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FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.How to prepare Tofu:1. Throw it in the trash.2. Grill some Meat.I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.I don't mean to brag but ... I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.Senility has been a smooth transition for me.Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school?Me neither.I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented ... I forgot where I was going with this.I love being over 50. I learn something new every day ... and forget 5 others.A thief broke into my house last night ... He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like: I KNOW!, Right?I think. ..Wet.A shudder ripped up my spine as my groin felt a wet heat flick against it. I jolted and looked down to see the Eevee’s face half-buried in the slit of my boxers, a motion of her jaw following another sudden flash of wet heat. She was licking me. I nearly bit my tongue fighting back the urge to shout at her, knowing that wouldn’t be too smart with fangs so close to very sensitive pieces of flesh. “H-hey now,” I stammered a bit, moving my hand to the scruff of her neck to hold it. “Not on the first date. I’m classier than that.” I joked to myself, knowing it was probably her instincts pushing her forward. If she were in heat, that’d explain why she was attracted to the scent of testosterone. Pokemon or human, we’re all just animals in the end. It wasn’t her fault.I tried to tug her away with a squeeze on her scruff and a steady pull, and all I got for my efforts was a desperate whine and a wet, kissing suck on my sack. My lungs filled with air at just how good that felt. “Alright,.
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