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Tonight I am home and though I’m here in body, my mind is elsewhere. We watch a film and it distracts us from the misery we both know exists. The film we’re watching is sentimental towards the end and it just extenuates how unsentimental I feel towards you. You’re my friend, I trust you with my life but I don’t like how I hurt you with my inability to love you the way you love me. I’m angry with myself, but I hide it well by being angry with you. The film is finished and already the mood is changing to one that makes me look at my coat, you notice and it makes you angry with me, you know me too well and you think I’ve created an argument so that I can storm out and be away from you, maybe I did but it wasn’t a deliberate act. You’re shouting at me now and I never have been very good at taking it well. It scares me and the fear makes me shout back through real tears. I storm upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom so that I don’t have to listen to you but you follow me up and you. The girls at school said you put it into your privates and then move it up and down. I will try soon.”I couldn’t believe what I was reading, Lauren was a tiny young girl and has only just started to explore her body, with puberty kicking in and her need for answer she was taking things into her own hands. All the while all I could think about is that I knew if I did anything she wouldn’t know or understand what it all meant anyway. I could get away with it completely. I turned to the most recent page. It was dated for yesterday.“I am feeling like I want to try mum’s toy. I have been scared till now, but I feel like I have too or I’m going to explode. The girls at school said it’s called being horny. I don’t really know, but I want to find out. I am going to try it tomorrow night after gymnastics. I will be quiet in my room and see. I will let you know how I go.”So tonight was Lauren’s first orgasm and the first time she has tried playing with the dildo. I was on the verge of blowing.
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