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He seemed confused at first. "Andy, dude what the fuck? Why are youdressed up like a girl?"I looked down, seeing the small bumps that my breasts created in myblouse, to the purse in my hands all the way down to my skirt andheels."Ben, there's something I need to tell you," I said.He went from being confused to being an asshole. "What? That my bestfriend is some sissy freak that likes to dress like a girl, are youserious right now. What the fuck bro. I guess you're not even a brolooking like that are you. What are you a tranny or something?"I really hoped he'd be understanding, but he was having none of it. Icould feel tears begin to well up and said, "Ben i was going to tellyou. I've felt like a girl all my life but I've kept it secret fromeveryone. It's not easy to tell everyone you want to be a girl, buti've come out to my family and they accept me being transgender."I'm becoming Ashley and I'm going to go through transition and startliving as a girl fulltime. I'm sorry Ben but I. Mother never spanked me. She didn't have to. She weakened my masculine identity by manipulating my need for maternal love and approval. Then she trained me to identify erotic excitement with the more feminine side of my personality.Whenever I got out of line mother would remind me she'd never wanted a son. She was hoping for a girl and was disappointed that I turned out to be a boy."Why couldn't you have been a girl?" she'd ask. "I don't like boys. They're too rough and aggressive. I should have put you up for adoption the day you were born." Then she'd become cold and distant. She'd threaten to abandon me or put me in an orphanage if I turned out to be like my father. I was terrified. Mother was all I had and I needed her love and approval. So I tried hard to please her -- and what pleased her was for me to be gentle and submissive and take an interest in things feminine.When other boys played cowboy or soldier, I remained close to mother. I cooked, did housework, shopped for.
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