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”Again, my text reached him in a very awkward situation, but he loved it. He said it was an immediate inferno inside him, and he couldn’t wait for my next text. It was a while, then …“Naked. Kissed my breasts.” Then …“Fuck! Sucked him!!!”It was only the next day that we got to talk again. Patrick was still riding the wave, on a complete high from my experience, and what he hoped was intense satisfaction for me. I hadn’t enjoyed it though. Nothing felt right. I found the entire encounter awkward and was ready to move on from the idea of another man. I also felt guilty for bringing Patrick down when he’d been on such a high for me.It sounds like a simple matter, but it was emotional for both of us, so it took us day to properly understand each other. He had to let go of his preconceptions about how he thought and hoped I’d feel, and I had to rebuild my confidence. There had been nothing in the experience that was negative, but as it sunk in, I realised it made me feel wrong, and I. Time to move on.’ ‘Is that where you were going this morning, moving on?’ ‘No. I was on my way to the harbor so I could drown myself.’ ‘But…’ ‘But what?’ ‘Well, you looked so confident as you walked towards me. You looked like someone who has their life together.’ ‘That may be what you saw but that wasn’t and isn’t me. I have a dress, the heels I was wearing and a purse with about sixty-five dollars in it. Now I have no dress, no heels, twenty pounds of plaster on my legs and the doctor says I need to be off my feet for six to eight weeks.’ She took a big breath, ‘My life is shit.’ ‘Where will you go?’ ‘My sixty-five dollars ought to get me to a dock in San Pedro. The casts ought to help me sink.’ ‘That is not what you’re going to do.’ ‘Oh? What am I going to do? Use my sixty-five dollars to rent an apartment, buy food, and live off what’s left for the next two months until the casts come off?’ Her voice was strained. ‘What about your real brother? Or your parents, friends, someone?’.
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