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“I am Satan, liberator of mankind! Lucifer, bringer of light!“Whatever name you wish to call me, I come to you this evening with a Temptation. Even now, your inhibitions and learned denials of the ways of the flesh are being burned away. Between now and next sunset, you will give in to your darkest desires, but this is only a taste of the offer I will make you on the morrow.”“Get thee behind me, Satan!” yelled a septuagenarian bishop in the third row.“I’ll go wherever you wish, your Eminence,” Satan whispered in his ear, having appeared at his back, running her talons down his helpless chest to circle the tip of his tenting cassock. “From behind is my favourite way to take a priest.”“But first,” she continued, back on the altar in an instant, “let me introduce you to my darling mortal Temptresses, the Horny Order of Saint Lilith!”All five nuns in front of the dais whipped off their habits, to stand alluringly in what lay underneath. In the case of Sister Victoria, this was a black. With a slight sense of anti-climax, I drank several glasses of water, did a quick tour of the house to ensure it was secure and everything was turned off, and rang for a cab.It was only when I sat down to wait that I became aware of a mild discomfort, like a slight stomach cramp. But by the time the cab arrived, mere minutes later, I was almost doubled up with abdominal pain, had a steadily worsening headache, and was beginning to sweat profusely. I really wanted to go to hospital but I felt embarrassed to admit what had happened and I was too proud to let Wendy think that she had driven me to attempt suicide (if she had; I do not think my motives were that clear). So I told the cabbie to take me home, assuring him that, despite appearances, I was perfectly all right. ("You OK, guv?" "Yes, I'm fine. Too much to drink, that's all." — almost the truth, really.)At home I let myself in as quietly as possible and collapsed into the spare room bed. I was still in great discomfort and.
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