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Sounds clinical and benign, doesn't it? It wasn't. I had cheated on him on our anniversary and flaunted it. The reasons I thought I had were false and stupid.I learned in therapy that it was practically preordained by the constant messages I had gotten in childhood of my inadequacy as a person. My parents had not meant to scar me. It was their way of saying, "I think you're so great you can do anything." But it came out, "Why won't you do better? You never live up to your potential. You're a failure." I guess my subconscious started to believe it after the 10,000th or 20,000th time I heard that I was, somehow, not worthy. So I was set on a course to prove them correct.That was then. Once I understood why I did self-destructive things, the affirmation of my worthlessness lost its power over me. Even if I had done unworthy things in the past, nothing prevented me from avoiding them in the future. At least that was what I hoped. One day at a time.I looked in the full-length mirror. I. I found them, Sara and a fat man named Ron. Ron was her husband. Sara was a skinny woman not very good looking. Black hair on her head and pussy. Small yucky tits. Not anything like the women you see on this site. So I hid in the brush and waited. Ron disappeared. Soon a guy showed up, put on a condom and fucked Sara, then left. And that was it. Ron showed up they talked for a few and then left. I was not impressed. Next time they were going to be out there I went again. This time three guys showed up and each fucked Sara. This was better. The next time I watched no one was there. Sara just laid there naked. I had my cock in hand waiting for some guy to show up and fuck her. Then Ron grabbed me. "I knew some one was out here peeping." I tried to apologize, I was only ten feet away. Sara came over. Ron asked what I doing out there. I told him I was curious. "Aren't you a little young? Sara this young man has been perving on you. Maybe you should give him a taste." Sara asked me why.
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