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I was so lonely, all those years. You know, you start wondering if it’s really something within you that’s wrong. It was only when he ruined everything at our tenth anniversary… I couldn’t take it any more. I was afraid he would hit me, but that wouldn’t have been as awful as what he did.’ She looked at him. He sat looking at her quietly, with a thoughtful expression. When their eyes met he raised his eyebrows and gave her a lopsided smile. ‘I am still lonely,’ she said. ‘But I prefer a loneliness of my own choice to one that is forced on me by someone pretending to love me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t necessarily want to stay alone for the rest of my days, but I want to be very sure first. If one can ever be sure…’ She shook her head again. ‘So, you see, if you do feel for me I cannot offer you anything yet. I think you are a truly nice person. But the thought of committing myself to anyone scares the hell out of me.’ She took a stick and made a ridge halfway the line of ants. It. “I told him about that, Zach, about the club in Amarillo. You and the other four guys. Everything, like I said. He knows.” That may have been the one thing she could have said that could have kept me on the line. “If that’s true he must be a hell of a guy. How about the six months you lived with me, Blaze and Bulldog? Fuck, Kaitlyn, it took all three of us to keep you satisfied, sometimes all at once. Does your amazing guy know about that part of your life?” “I don’t need the stroll down memory lane, Zach; I know what I did, what I was… and yes, so does Ray. He knows I’m no angel, but neither is he; he has his own history too. There are things…” she paused. “Did you know that Bulldog is dead?” I hadn’t known that, and it rocked me. “Bobby is dead? How?” “Some kid pulled out in front of him. He swerved to avoid him, laid his bike down but still hit him. Dumb kid only had his license for a week, didn’t get a scratch, but Bobby died instantly.” “Fuck. I should have known about that,.
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