VUlkanik

Make the appointment.”Despite feeling it’s a waste of time Al sighs as he nods his agreement to call the bank to go to talk to them tomorrow with Jenny.The next afternoon Al meets Jenny at school and he takes her to the bank since she still catches the bus most days. They go in to see the manager about a loan big enough to buy Daisy Downs plus money for the farm operating costs of them both for three years. Placing a loan file on the table the manager, Mary Quinn, says, “Al, I know you can cover the repayments on the loan from your revenue but you can’t provide enough collateral for such a large loan. Not on top of your current loan. Now, unless you’ve got something new to throw in we can’t help you.”Jenny asks, “How about if Jim and I agree to guarantee the loan to Dad? Will that make a difference?”“Jenny, it’s nice for you to try and help your Dad, but he’s over half a million bucks short on the collateral. Unless you have that amount of collateral there’s nothing you can do. Head. That’s the one good thing about being suicidal: the prospect of your own death actually brings you peace. Now I didn’t have to feel guilty about killing myself. The effect it would have on my family was one of the only things keeping me from ending it all. Now I could just let the cancer do it for me. In a way, it felt good to finally have an answer as to why I suffered from depression. I had been depressed for most of my eighteen years, even suicidal, completely in contrast to the comfortable middle-class life I lived in my hometown in Maine. I couldn’t even count the number of antidepressants, forced therapy lessons, and thoughts of longing to just die. There are people starving all over the world, people suffering. It’s a mystery to people like me why they just don’t kill themselves. It is the only question I will leave behind. How do they have lives that make my horrors look pathetic, but they have the will to live that I lack? That was always an issue nagging in the back of my.
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