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No, that's waffling, and Gloria wouldn't let me hedge anything. I couldn't maintain a relationship, Josh, sexual or otherwise. Sexually, I was frigid. I don't think I had more than ten orgasms from the age of twelve when my parents died until I met you, and those orgasms happened during my early teen years from masturbating. I not only suppressed my memories of what my parents did to me, I also suppressed my sexual urges and responses.Do you think you've reconnected with and repaired your past?I've reconnected with my past. Repaired it? No. Some repairs have been made, but I'm not cured, Josh. Still, I think I can join the living now. Will I repair my past? I don't know. Some of it is repairable, other parts - fuck it, I say. Let it lay.I could feel her grin. I was proud of her.What about your lost years? Josh asked.Lost years?Yes, those years when you couldn't maintain personal relationships, even friendships, the years when you couldn't function sexually.Ah, those years. Lost is a. Now I narrate my story in Hindi. Mera chachi ki taraf attraction to 15 saal ki umar se hi ho gaya tha, jab ek baar mere udaas hone par chachi ne mujhe gale laga ke samjhaya tha. Par tab mujme kuch karne ki himmat nahi thi. Kyon ki wo muje zara si baat par daant deti thi aur meri shikayat bhi bahut karti thi. jiska me unse badla lena chahta tha Ye Baat aaj se char saal pahle ki he jab me apne 12th board ke exams ki prepration kar raha tha. Mai jab school se ghar aata tha tab ghar me chachi ke siva koi nahi hota tha aur mai chachi ke saath T.V. dekhta tha. Us waqt chachi ki sirf ek ladki thi jo sirf 2 saal ki hi thi aur wo dopehar me soti rahti thi. Chachi ki let kar T.V. dekhne ki aadat thi aur me un se kafee ghule mile hone ke karan chance lene ke liye unke kande par baato ke dauran haath ya sar rakh deta tha jiska vo kai baar mana kar deti thi. Par me chachi ke bare me sochte hue muthh marte-2 thak chukka tha aur chance lena chahta tha ke shayad mujhe chudai ka mauka mil jaaye..
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