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I noticed only the slightest twitch of his face. But his eyes were moist. I had gotten to him. Was this a glorious triumph or a shameful defeat? He took a deep breath, one of those where the diaphragm is involved and the abdomen puffs out. He had regained control. He refused to fight. My house was minutes away. We drove in silence. He pulled into our driveway in front of the house. I opened the car door and said, ‘Thank you for dinner.’ But it sounded like, ‘I wish I had never met you.’ I slammed the door and flounced into the house. Fifteen or twenty seconds later he put the car in gear and drove off. He had given the situation some thought and decided not to make a childish display of anger by peeling out of the driveway. He probably wasn’t angry, just confused. He should have been angry. My behavior had been outrageous, but I hadn’t been able to control myself. I ran up to my room, slammed the door shut, fell on the bed and began to sob. It was long and deep and satisfying. It was. I knew I'd disappointed Mama, with the things that I'd said to her. Emily was the same. She had wanted me to follow her lead, but I hadn't been willing to. She had this funny streak that was somewhat like mine. She never wanted to let something go if she thought she was right. I wasn't sure I was right, but I felt pretty strongly that I wasn't willing to back down from my position.At two o'clock, I went downstairs to see about getting something to eat. Gerta and Hans were sitting at the kitchen table, talking, when I walked in. Seeing me, they stopped talking. This made me think they were talking about me."I came down to see if there's any lunch left for me." I made soup, but that's all. No one was hungry for any lunch. You want some soup and some bread and butter?" No, I'll just go out and get something at the club. I want to go hit some golf balls anyway."I hadn't played any golf in a long time. Too busy. It's funny that we stop doing the things we used to like the most. I didn't.
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