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All that I ask of him is that he tell me before he enters me - or as he enters me - so that I know that I am - or might be - conceiving a child. I want to know that it's happening.I gave him that permission a couple of years ago when we were still both sure that we wanted children. Since then, I've had second thoughts. He knows this, of course.With the difficult decisions that would have to be made for us to get pregnant by current medical means, I've had to think hard about what kind of parent I would be and if I really want to give up my current life in order to raise children.The truth is, for me, the price is too high for me to have children by another biological father or for us to adopt. I'm also not sure anymore if I would want to have children even if it were possible with my husband.Actually, I think that may be the first time I have spoken (or written) those thoughts out loud and unequivocally. My spoken thoughts have always been along the lines of, "I don't know but..."I. And just like that I was a resident of the Bahamas.In the interim Reg had changed his attitude. I was no longer a tourist whose pocket he wanted to pick. Instead, he was treating me like I might be worth an investment in the long-term. So he was sitting with me on the afterdeck as the sun went down on my first full day on Bimini.The sky was an odd combination of purple, red and yellow. I later learned that pretty-much describes every sunset in the tropics. The air was beautifully warm, almost sensual. There was a nice breeze coming in off the Atlantic. And there were no bugs. That was astonishing. Since the mosquitos in Ann Arbor would drain the blood out of you if you sat outside at this time of night.We were drinking a couple of cold Pirate Republics and just enjoying the tropical evening. The fact that I was sitting anywhere with a non-nerd amazed me. But I felt like the place was already changing me.Reg said speculatively, “What are you going to do now that you’ve found a place.
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