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I couldn’t believe I was actually there, surrounded by other girls who like girls. In spite of my lonely awkwardness, it felt like coming home.Then by chance, we made eye contact. She smiled. I smiled back. Then suddenly she was heading my way and I couldn’t believe what was happening. She came up and said hi and we started dancing. Beyoncé’s “Get Me Bodied” was on, and I knew the whole music video dance to it, so we laughed and danced and laughed. She shouted over the music to me, “You’re awesome!” There was such sincerity in her voice. It was years ago, but I know I will never forget that moment. My infant gay heart needed to hear those words right then. It was like she saw all my insecurities and doubts about being gay and being loveable, not only in spite of, but because of that part of me which I had been unable to share with a soul until I set foot in that bar, that night.“So are you!” I laughed and shouted back. We danced together for the next half hour, until the lights came. She had the presence of self and the clarity of insight that protected her from those who were insincere and who would deliver her harm. She undressed me and put me to bed all those time I felt the need to drown my sorrows in alcohol. Yet, even after she experienced disappointments in her life, and I admit that I was her biggest disappointment, she never once faltered in her spirit to abuse the spirits. She fed me when I was hungry and comforted me when I was sad. She always found the strength to understand my consternation and to say the right words at the right time. When, true to character, I always said the wrong words at the wrong time. She was strong in her religion when I prayed to no God. She was strong in her act of contrition when I thought I needed no confession. She not only gave me three sons, but also was strong enough to raise them herself when I was too weak to stay leaving her for another woman, a weaker one at that. Yet, she was strong enough to forgive me and take.
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