’ ‘You’re welcome,’ she replied, with a smile. I rose and began to dress. She watched me, as if trying to memorize my every move. After I was dressed, we left the cabin and walked to her house, which was only a few blocks away. Once we reached her front porch, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Billy’s phone number. It rang and rang and then went to voicemail. I hung the phone up. I was early so he might have still been asleep. I dialed Ronnie’s number next. After three rings, he picked up. ‘Hello?’ he said his voice groggy. ‘Hey,’ I greeted. ‘Ronnie, it’s Lance.’ ‘Lance?’ he said. ‘Where are you? What happened to you last night? Are you alright?’ ‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry about that. I’ll explain later. Can you come pick me up?’ ‘Yeah,’ replied. ‘Where are you?’ ‘Maranda’s,’ I replied. There was a slight pause. ‘I’m not even going to ask,’ he said. ‘Give me a half an hour.’ ‘Okay. Thanks.’ ‘Sure,’ he said and hung up. I turned around and looked at Maranda. She was sitting on. What was it?If I decided to do this, it would be because of Mama, to show her my appreciation for what her loving me meant. I could justify to myself doing it for Mama. It couldn't ruin my current relationship with Brenda, because I no longer even had one. It might send her the wrong message, by telling her she could get whatever she asked for. I didn't care, because I wasn't just doing it to try to further our relationship. We had no relationship now anyway. There was no reason she should feel any need to make changes for me right now. If I went ahead and did this, perhaps it would provide her with a reason to consider making some changes.I had made four trips to Grace and Jane's room, carrying packages, while I tried talking myself into adopting this new position. I was tired of resisting all the time, tired of fighting with people I loved, people I needed to love me. I had to find other, less destructive ways, to keep people from forcing me to do what I didn't want to. If I could.
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