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I found myself wanting him more and more, but since I had not been with anyone but my husband for the last 14 years of my life, I was scared. Excited but scared. My sex life with my husband was like my life with him, boring and on his terms. He never kissed me, never fondled me, never cared about my pleasure. I was a cum deposit for him. We never made love, he fucked me for his release. As the days turned into weeks, it became a daily routine for me to masturbate, thinking of John. Once we even did it together over the phone to one another. After what seemed like a eternity, I could wait no longer. I had never cheated on my husband before but I needed a man’s physical attention. John understood my hesitation. John knew how important this was to me. I wanted romance, candlelight, wine and roses. I loved the fact that John didn’t rush me. The funny thing was he was under my skin that first night together and he could have had me then. The time finally came. I was so devilish, I even. It was a very different experience now walking down the corridors ofJulia's school, I thought to myself, reflecting on how last time assomething of an alpha male or wolf on the prowl, I had been with a bunchof guys heading in to the debate, looking for a girlfriend and thinkingof sex. Now I still hadn't had sex with anyone but I had a girlfriend,which I should perhaps has seen as something of a victory, but I wasdressed like her and this was no victory but a humiliation.As we walked down the corridor I heard the clack of our heels on thewooden floor. The sexy sound of a girl in heels. Heels that declaredconfidently, "Here I come boys!" But it was the first time that I hadbeen the girl in heels.I was starting to feel scared. Julia held my hand. This should havefelt empowering to walk into a room holding my girlfriend's hand, but itdidn't feel like I was her boyfriend anymore. I felt more like abutterfly caught in a net about to be shown to a room full of collectors,unsure.
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