”“Do you have alcohol?”“Yes.”“Then why go to the pub? Celebrate, commiserate, whatever you want, with me. Please?”I take his hand and urge him to follow. When he does, I inwardly rejoice. Yes! The pattern is broken and I’m no longer reliving events exactly as they happened. I can change the dream, control it. A weight is lifted from my shoulders as I’m freed from guilt’s chains. The way to Jez’s house is as familiar as the one to school. We pass my old primary school, the café that gave me my first Saturday job, my favourite bookshop - fond memories, all. A red phone box reminds me to call my parents but my handbag contains a five-pound note, no coins. Just as well. I can’t remember if phone boxes take ten or twenty pence pieces in nineteen eighty-nine. And I’ve forgotten how to use one.“Phone from my house,” Jez offers.He’s calmer now, though uncharacteristically quiet if memory serves.The sun beats down as we turn up his street. His house is at the far end and I take a moment to. Main wahi par andar deewar ko teka de kar khadi rahi uske saamne.Woh mujhe ghoorta raha aur main usey ghoorne de rahi thi. Lekin uske bold step pe mujhe bhi usey kuchh kar ke chaukana tha. Aur maine apna ek pair english commode wali seat par rakha jisse meri underwear covered chut dikhe. Usne dekha. Usne kaam roka aur seedha wahi par dekhne laga. Maine jaise hosh kho diya tha. Usne waha par dekha aur meri taraf dekh kar smile di. Main hosh mein aa gayi aur waha se nikal aayi. Main yeh kya kar rahi thi?! Yeh ek seedha signal tha. Ab usse lagega ki main uske saath sex karna chahti hu. Agar usne baaki kaamgaro se yeh keh diya toh? Main hall mein ja kar tv laga kar baith gayi. Mujhe ajeeb sa ho raha tha. Mere actions par chakkar si aa rahi thi. Main sofe par let gayi. Woh bathroom mein se jhuk kar mujhe dekhne laga. Sofa bilkul passage ke saamne tha. Maine usey dekh kar andekha kar diya. Woh dekhta raha. Woh ab bathroom ke darwaza par khada ho kar mujhe ghurne laga. Main uski taraf dekh.
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