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”“In the lord’s name why not?” Mrs Bennet exclaimed, “If one might not shoot them how is discipline to be maintained?”“Miss Eliza, I have done you a dis-service,” Mr D’arcy exclaimed, “I had thought you the most idiotic and completely deluded woman I had ever met but I own you are indeed quite sane compared to your mother.”“How are we to impose discipline Mr D’arcy if we cannot shoot the miscreants?” Mrs Bennet demanded. “One cannot carry a rack around with one and whipping is no substitute.”“Dear lord mother he wants to shoot a few birds,” Miss Eliza sighed, “And yet you suggest he shoots our servants and takes your daughters to his bed.”“To be fair she only suggested I take you to bed Miss Eliza,” Mr D’arcy argued.“And shall you?” Eliza enquired.“Alas no, the thought of my progeny having your countenance and wit entirely repulses me,” Mr D’arcy replied.Mrs Bennet recoiled at the sentiment, “So have them sent to the orphanage as Mr Bennet and I should have done when we failed to. At the time I swear I didn’t catch the innuendo implied in his offer of a ‘deal.’ “A deal?” I replied. I smiled--it was supposed to just be a smile, but it came out wrong. I think it must have seemed like a come on to him—it must have done. Because he… well he didn’t suggest any kind of discount. At least not in the… conventional sense. “Yea,” he said, “Something like that, well, you know, I’d want to know it was going to a good home.” If I thought his smiles had been lecherous, then this one was a doozie. A broad grin that any Cheshire cat would have been proud of. “You know, somewhere it would be… loved.” I raised my eyebrows—I was trying to fathom, in my addled brain, what on earth he meant. But it dawned on me too late. By the time I realised what he had said, my eyebrows had said to him, ‘tell me baby, tell me what you mean about giving that dildo a good home.’ “So…” he went on. ”Do you think you could?” “Could…” I managed. “Could give that big black plastic cock a good home?” I.
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