He grunts, flicking an ear. ‘You don’t have to. You needn’t go back to that.’ The way he says it makes my eyes close, as if he understands how much I grew to detest it, to consider it a burden. ‘I can carry you. I know of a place you can stay.’ For a few moments I hesitate, but in the end, what else can I do? When the pain comes back it will be worse than ever, and I’ll be defenseless. I tie my boots to my pack, then scoop it up and pull it on. From there I carefully climb onto his back, sitting astride him like I would a horse. He’s nearly as big as a pony as it is. It feels odd – his body is nothing like a horse, or a stag, or a dracolisk – but it isn’t uncomfortable. He waits for me to get comfortable and find a grip on his shaggy neck ruff, and then he begins to walk. And he walks, and he walks. The wolf is tireless, his silent steps carrying us miles through the night. There are times when I doze, my eyes closing only to open to a completely different vista, miles ahead. At. To Albert, it seemed, they were nothing more than objects of carnal lust. Even when he incorporated into his project something that might appear to be to their benefit, his motives were always wholly selfish. And what depressed me most about this was that I was unable to deny that, post-FUCK, a similar trend was becoming evident in my own conduct. Albert’s earliest work had apparently focused on the sexual potential of the male. Experimenting on the company’s laboratory monkeys, especially chimpanzees, he had developed drugs that increased both capacity and desire. In fact, he had a superior version of Viagra at least thirty years before anyone else. But, as with all his sexual discoveries, he had kept it to himself. In any case, it was only a beginning, so far as he was concerned, he did not want to administer drugs, he wanted the body to synthesise them itself. For this he had to enter the brain. I could grasp Albert’s work on the brain only in the sketchiest outline. But he was.
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