"I know I shouldn't have done that," I moaned, interrupting her. "I lost control and I'm sorry and I promise it won't happen again." That's what I'm talking about," she said patiently. "I teased you, and that wasn't fair. Mom said that men don't have as much control as women do, and that a woman shouldn't usually tease a man." You told your mother?" My voice was weak and I felt like I needed to sit down."No." She peered at me closely. "She just told me that one time. I got curious about it and decided to tease you and see what it would feel like ... what would happen. The point is that I'm the one who should be saying I'm sorry, not you. I teased you and I'm sorry I made you lose control." Oh," I croaked. She wasn't going to tell after all."Yup," she said. "I thought about it all night. I'm definitely going to have to get me a boyfriend." You are?" Well sure," she said. "You said you won't do it again, and after feeling that I just HAVE to do it again. Knowing the way boys are I'm. This is a place to feel true regret – the kind the living could never comprehend. If it were just a waiting room, that would mean that God is kind.He is not.Both of those atonements happened long ago. In her version of Purgatory, the current scene has been playing for years – decades. As the most recent repetition dissolves, she prepares for the next instalment of the same old sin. The same acts. The same words. The same expression etched on his face. It always starts with her playful request:“Fuck me before she comes home.”Perhaps if she’d added a question mark, he would have refused. She hates him for that: for not refusing. That dark-eyed guy with a pressing erection and strong, broad hands. His fault. He shouldn’t have smiled at her. He shouldn’t have stood so close when she brushed past him each night in the hall. He shouldn’t have embraced such a fucking cliché – screwing the au pair while his wife was out. Everyone knows that ends badly, as it inevitably did. A flurry of.
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