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He said, "Tell me everything. Don't leave out a single detail or I'll be pissed." I went to the arcade and went in. There were, um ... seven kids inside playing video games. They all watched me when I approached the man working there and asked for change. I held out a twenty dollar bill but he didn't take it. Not at first. He looked me up and down for moment and asked me if I came there to play because he only gave change to customers."I didn't know how to answer him. You didn't tell me to play a game. You told me to do whatever he wanted me to do. But then he leered at me and told me that he'd give me change but there would be a fee."I nodded and he ordered me to go around behind the small kiosk in the center of the arcade where I guess he's supposed to spend his day making change. It wasn't much cover from the street or from the kids. It's all glass from the waist up."He followed me around behind the kiosk and took the twenty dollars from my hand. But instead of giving me change he. .. how would I carry on?Could I get past her deceit those many years ago and forgive her? At first I didn't think so. But now ... now I'm not so certain. She couldn't take it back. She couldn't make it right at this late date. Could I live with that as well? She had to admit to her sin before I could decide. She had to acknowledge that she had inflicted another deep wound in me.And what about this act I had performed. The new, dominant Howard Carver. It was an act. I knew that. Could I sustain it? I doubted it. Perhaps in some less aggressive and challenging form. Someone I could actually become without disliking myself. I knew I would never be able to return to the softer, weaker person I had been. Edie would never respect me if I did and I would likely find her seeking another man once again. What would it take to create that excitement that she craved?Nothing had changed from yesterday. I still needed to know more about her. There were still secrets, I expected. Where were they.
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