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’ ‘Bad idea Beth, she’ll spend her time weeping at the honeymooners,’ Debs said. ‘Remember she and Alan went to a resort for their honeymoon.’ Their mother snapped, ‘Instead of being negative about everything we suggest Debbie, you come up with a worthwhile suggestion.’ ‘Well first let’s try to analyze why our bright-as-a-button sister, your daughter, is a weeping widow. She didn’t really like Alan.’ Helen and Beth looked horrified and Helen said grimly, ‘You better justify that comment young lady or risk really being offside with me.’ ‘Oh ho whoa mother, you and whose army? I’ve knocked more than a couple guys down in my time. If you must know Carrie told me when they returned from their honeymoon. She said she’d rushed into marriage only to find Alan was a bit of a bore and rather unspectacular in bed.’ Looking bewildered Helen asked how could a young man be unspectacular in bed. They became that way when they grew older. The sisters exchanged glances with raised eyebrows,. ’ ‘What’s going on?’ I asked as the line went dead. Well at least she was having a good time. I shucked my clothes and got in the shower. I turned on the water and shivered as I waited for the hot water to work its way from the heater to the spigot. It didn’t. When I waited long enough for my balls to turn blue I turned the water off and headed to the hot water closet. The red trip light was on. I hit the reset button and it sputtered and spit but the thing wouldn’t come on. I memorized the emergency number that was on it and dripped my way to the kitchen to call them. ‘Could someone be home somewhere between eight am Monday and six pm Wednesday?’ Yeah, someone could if I wanted to keep the kid home from school or resign from my new position. I got back in the shower and froze my ass off. Afterward I grabbed a robe and headed to the fridge. Somewhere in the twenty-four hours since the last time I had opened it, the thing got stuck on defrost. The blast of hot air and smell of sour.
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