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"Take care, laddie." You, too, Jack."I drove off. A glint of sun blinded me temporarily - at least it had to be something like that to make my eyes water the way they did.Colin had been stalwart in filling in for me. He briefed me on the story so far and took me to meet the other team. They were duly sympathetic about my plight and commiserated with me about being stuck in some god-forsaken village all this time. I said little, merely smiling and nodding acquiescence. Negotiations were quite far advanced and Colin was doing fine. Nobody thought it odd that I contributed little. In truth it all seemed a little unreal. It was an important contract and one that would secure our financial security for quite some time. Last week I would have been - I was - all fired up about it, driving everyone insane with my insistence that every detail be checked again and again. But, now, I found I couldn't care less. All the wheeling and dealing that I'd thrived on in the past now seemed like a. Dick had taken so much from me, including running off and disappearing with our precious children. It has been years since I have seen those sweet faces. I long and dream of the day we will all be reunited. He has ripped away my sense of safety, my self esteem, trust, and enjoyment in the simplest of things. Each thing I struggle with that has it’s trouble spots originating from his terroristic manipulations, I find that I also struggle with making them hard limits. It is like still allowing him to have a say or a power in what I do. And as Master and I talked and I began to open up to Him, He said I could not let this man continue to win, He said He could not allow me to allow him to continue to win. That is how the decision was made to push a hard boundary.One of the first major boundaries my Master pushed was that of fisting. He saw where I had listed it as an interest on the list I filled out for Him. He has had a special way of drawing out the things I fear the most and turn.
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